Regarding Good Conduct to Ones Parents

Bismillaah

Chapter 1: The saying of Allaah the Exalted, “and we have enjoined upon man to be good to his parents”

1/1 From Abu Umru ash-Shaibaanee who said, “The owner of this house narrated to us,” and he indicated with his hand to the house of Abdullaah, that, “I asked the Prophet (SAW), ‘which action is the most beloved to Allaah?’ He said, ‘Prayer at it’s correct time’. I said, ‘then which action? ‘He said, ‘birr (good treatment, kindness) to the parents.’ I said, ‘then which?’ He said ‘Jihaad in the way of Allaah’

Abdullaah said, “He told me these, and if I had asked further, he would have told me.” Saheeh – Irwaa (1197)

2/2 From Abdullaah bin Umar who said, “The Lord is pleased when the parents are pleased, and is Angry when the parents are angry.” Hasan as mawqoof, saheeh as marfoo’ as-Saheehah 515

Chapter 2: Birr to the Mother
3/3 From Bahz bin Hakeem from his father from his grandfather who said, “I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah who is most deserving of my birr?’ He said, ‘your mother.’ I said, ‘who is most deserving of my birr?’ He said, ‘your mother.’ I said, ‘who is most deserving of my birr?’ He said, ‘your mother.’ I said, ‘who is most deserving of my birr?’ He said, ‘your father, then your closest relation, then your closest relation.’” Hasan – Irwaa (2232,829)

4/4 From Ibn Abbas, “That a man came to him and said, ‘I proposed to a woman and I yearned that she marry me. Then someone else proposed to her and she desired to marry him. Then I seduced her, then killed her, so is there repentance for me?’ He said, ‘Is your mother alive?’ He replied, ‘No.’ So Ibn Abbas said, ‘Repent to Allaah Azza wa Jall and seek to get close to Him as much as you can.”

(Ataa bin Yaaser) said, “so I went to Ibn Abbaas and asked him, ‘Why did you ask if his Mother was alive?’ He said, ‘indeed I do not know an action which can get one closer to Allaah then birr to the mother’” Saheeh – as-Saheehah (2799)

Chapter 3: Birr to the father
5/5 From Abu Hurayra who said, “It was said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah (SAW), who is most deserving of my birr?’ He replied, ‘your mother’. He said, ‘then who?’ He replied, ‘your mother.’ He said, ‘then who?’ He said, ‘your mother.’ He said, ‘then who?’ He replied, ‘your father’” Saheeh, al-Irwaa (837), ad-Da’eefah (under no 4992)

Chapter 4: Gentle words to the parents
6/8 from Taysala bin Mayyaas who said, “I was with the Najadaat (a group of the Hururiyyah) and I committed a sin which I regarded to be Major, so I mentioned this to Ibn Umar. He said, ‘what sin is it?’ I said, ‘this and this.’ He said, ‘this is not from the Major sins, the major sins are nine: “Associating partners with Allaah, killing a soul, fleeing from the advancing army, to accuse a chaste woman, Eating Ribaa, Eating the property of an orphan, to apostasize in the mosque, the one who ridicules/derides others, and making the parents cry due to disobedience to them.”

Ibn Umar said to me, ‘Do you fear the fire and wish to enter the Paradise?’ I said, ‘of course, by Allaah!’ He said, ‘are your parents alive?’ I said, ‘I have a mother.’ He said, ‘then by Allaah! If you were to speak gently to her and feed her, you would certainly enter paradise, as long as you stay away from the Major sins.’” Saheeh, as-Saheehah (2898)

7/9 From Urwa who said about the verse, “And lower for them the wings of humility out of mercy” – ‘Do not prevent them from anything that they love.’ Saheeh Isnaad

Chapter 5: Repaying the Parents
8/10 From Abu Hurayra from the Prophet (SAW) that he said, “The son can never repay his parent. Except that he finds him a slave, then buys him and sets him free.” Saheeh, Irwaa (1747)

9/11 From Abu Buraidah that he was with Ibn Umar and a Yemeni man was making tawaaf of the House carrying his mother on his back saying, “I am her humble camel where her camel would have gotten frightened I will not”

Then he said, ‘O Ibn Umar! Do you think that I have repaid her?’ He said, ‘no, not even a for a single moan that escaped her during child birth.’

Then Ibn Umar made tawaaf of the house, then came to the Station (of Abraham) and prayed two rak’ahs. Then he said, ‘O ibn Abu Musa! Indeed every two rak’ahs expiate what came before them.’ Saheeh Isnaad

10/13 From Abdullaah bin Umar who said, ” A man came to the Prophet (SAW) to give him the bay’ah for hijrah, and he left his parents crying. So the Prophet said, ‘return to your parents and make them laugh as you have made them cry’” Saheeh, at-Ta’leeq ar-Ragheeb (3/213)

Chapter 6: Disobedience to parents
12/15 From Abu Bakra who said, “The Messenger of Allaah (SAW) said, ’shall I not inform you of the greatest of the major sins?’ [three times] They said, ‘of course O Messenger of Allaah!’ He said, ‘Associating partners with Allaah, Disobedience to the parents – then he sat, reclining – and the false statement.’ He kept repeating them until I said, ‘if only he would stop’” Saheeh, Ghaayatul Maraam (277)

Chapter 7: Allaah curses the one who curses his parents.
13/17 From Abu at-Tufail who said, “Ali was asked, ‘did the Prophet (SAW) favour you with something that he did not favour for the rest of the people?’ He said, ‘the Prophet (SAW) did not favour anything for us that he did not favour for the people, except for what is in the hilt of my sword.’ Then he removed a piece of paper and written on it was, ‘Allaah curses the one who slaughters for the sake of other than Allaah. Allaah curses the one who steals the boundary posts of the land (in order to make his plot of land bigger). Allaah curses the one who curses his parents. Allaah curses the one who aids the one who does Bid’ah (Innovator).’” Saheeh, al-Mishkaat (4070)

Chapter 8: Birr is for the parents in those matters that do not involve disobedience (to Allaah)
14/18 From Abu ad-Dardaa who said, “The Messenger (SAW) enjoined me with 9 things: Do not associate anything with Allaah, even if you are cut into pieces or burned. And never leave the obligatory prayers deliberately, and the one that leaves them deliberately becomes absolved of protection. And do not drink alcohol for it is the door to all evil. And obey your parents, and if they command you to leave your worldly possessions then do so for them. And do not dispute/contend with the leader of the Muslims, even if you think you are right, and do not flee from the advancing army, even if you are destroyed and your companions flee. And spend of your property on your family. And never raise your stick against your family. And fill them with the fear of Allaah.” Saheeh, Irwaa (2026)

15/20 From Abdullaah bin Umar who said, “A man came to the Prophet (SAW) intending to go on jihaad. So he said, ‘are your parents alive?’ He said, ‘yes.’ So he said, ‘your jihaad is with them.’” Saheeh, Irwaa (1199)

Chapter 9: The one whose parents attain old age and he does not enter paradise
16/21 From Abu Hurayra, from the Prophet (SAW) that he said, “May he be disgraced and humiliated, may he be disgraced and humiliated, may he be disgraced and humiliated.” They said, “who O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “the one whose parents attain old age, or one of them, and he enters Hellfire (by not serving them).” Saheeh, at-Ta’leeq ar-Ragheeb (3/215)

Chapter 10: Not seeking forgiveness for ones father who is mushrik
17/23 From Ibn Abbaas, about the saying of Allaah, ‘and if one of them, or both of them attain old age during your life, then do not say to them “Uff”‘ until His saying, ‘as they brought me up when I was young’ – “this was abrogated (or the meaning was restricted) by the aayah in Surah al-Baraa’, ‘it is not for the Prophet and the believers that they seek forgiveness for the mushriks, even if they be of the close relations, after it has been made clear to them that they are the Companions of Hell.’” Hasan Isnaad.

Chapter 11: Birr to the parent who is a mushrik
18/24 From Sa’d bin Abee Waqqaas who said, “four verses were revealed with regards to me in the Book of Allaah:

My mother swore that she would not eat and drink until I disassociated myself from Muhammad (SAW), So Allaah revealed. ‘and if they endeavour to make you commit shirk with me, of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them and accompany them in this world in a good way.’ I took a sword which I liked, so I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah give me this’ so the verse was revealed, ‘they ask you about the spoils of War’, I became sick so the Messenger of Allaah (SAW) visited me. So I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah! I intend to divide my property, shall I give a half away (in charity)?’ He said, ‘no.’ So I said, ‘a third?’ and he remained silent. And afterwards a third was made permissible, I drank alcohol with a group of the Ansaar, and then a man amongst them struck me on my nose at a place called Lahya Jamal. So I went to the Prophet (SAW) and Allaah revealed the verse with regards to the prohibition of alcohol.” Saheeh, al-Mishkaat (3072)

Causes for Delinquency: Leisure Time

Bismillaah

Author: by Abdullah Saleh Ulwan Tr. by Dr. Muhammad Amin Tawfiq]

One basic factor that may lead to a child’s deviation is not benefiting from leisure time. It is obvious that during his early years, a child becomes extremely playful and adventure-minded. He is always in constant movement, playing with his mates, running and mounting sometimes, practicing sports and including in various kinds of athletic games.

The pedagogues have a duty to utilize the knowledge of this phenomenon regarding children and adolescents. They should try to fill their leisure time with activities that are good for their bodies’ health, vigor and muscle strength.

However, if places for innocent activities such as playgrounds, sport and recreation clubs, educational facilities, as well as planned excursions are not readily available for these youth, then they may join with a more mischievous group of individuals, which would inevitably lead to their deviation.

Islam, through its supreme directives, has treated the leisure time of children and adolescents in a practical way, which keeps them healthy, strong and full of vigor.

Teaching them how to worship, especially performing prayers, is one aspect of occupying their time with something beneficial. Prayer is the cornerstone of Islam because of its numerous spiritual, physical, ethical and psychological advantages.

We will briefly list the physical benefits of the prayer:

1. It is an obligatory exercise, where a Muslim continuously moves all of his joints and body parts in a way, which activates blood circulation throughout the entire body.

2. It is an obligatory form of cleanliness including ablution, in which the mouth, nose, hair and other exterior parts of the body must be cleaned as a prerequisite for prayer. In addition to this, the child also must pay attention to the cleanliness of his clothing and the general environment around him.

3. It involves walking to and from the Mosque five times per day and night. Such continuous movement is important to keep the body active and do away with laziness.

Doctors have advised us that walking or doing physical activities after eating protects the body from stomach illness, indigestion, etc…

It is no wonder why we listen to our Prophet inciting parents to order their children to start performance of the prayers at the age of seven so they become accustomed to them.

Let us listen to what the Prophet said in a tradition related by Al-Hakem and Abu Dawood: “Order your children to perform prayers at the age of seven, but when they reach the age of ten, beat them (if they do not perform them).”

Moreover, Islam has ordered learning the arts of war, chivalry, swimming, jumping and wrestling. It also guides the child to utilize his leisure time productively leading to positive results when done in adherence to Islam’s supreme principles.

Here are some Islamic directives regarding preparation of these means: “Against them, make ready your strength to the utmost of your power, including steeds of war, to strike terror into the hearts of the enemies of Allah and your enemies.” (Holy Qur’an, 8:60.)

“Say: Are equal, those who know and those who do not know?” ( Holy Qur’an, 39: 9)

Omar Ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “Train your offspring to shoot and swim, and order them to mount horses backs ardently”.

Al-Hakim and Al-Baihaqi related that the Prophet said: “Take the opportunity before it is too late for five matters: your life before your death; your health before your illness; your free time before being busy; your youth before old age, and wealth before poverty.”

Attabarani and al-Hakim related that the Prophet said: “Everything not belonging to Allah’s remembrance will be nonsense or play or forgotten matter except for four characteristics: Archer’s walking between two aiming points; training his horse; playing with his own people; and his learning to swimming.

Ibn Ishaq and Ibn Hisham related that the Prophet said: “Allah will have mercy with someone who shows (enemies) might.”

Muslim narrated that the Prophet said: “A strong Muslim is better and dearer to Allah than a weak Muslim. However there is goodness in both of them. Ensure doing what is of benefit to you, ask Allah’s help and do not show helplessness.

Had it been that pedagogues followed these Islamic directives, they would have imparted knowledge that prevent children from deviation; and filled their leisure time with what is beneficial to their religion, life and hereafter.

As a result, they would have prepared their offspring to become Islam’s ardent soldiers, righteous propagators, and working youth.

[ Extracts from: Children Upbringing in Islam, by Abdullah Saleh Ulwan]
[Tr. by Dr. Muhammad Amin Tawfiq]

Causes for Delinquency: Divorce

Bismillaah

Author: by Abdullah Saleh Ulwan Tr. by Dr. Muhammad Amin Tawfiq

One of the leading causes of a child’s deviation is divorce, and what accompanies it of displacement, fragmentation and disunion of the family.

It is undisputable that a boy who is deprived of a loving mother and a caring father would hasten towards crime and eventually become corrupt. On the other hand, this problem also becomes complicated if poverty strikes the mother following her divorce. This results in her working outside of the home, and the children are, therefore, left to the streets with no care.

What would one expect of children who have lost their parents’ care and guidance; those who do not have enough food to satisfy their hunger, enough clothing to cover their bodies decently, and good homes which provide adequate shelter and rest?! In fact, nothing can be expected from them except homelessness, loss, crime and corruption. In this expectation, very few may be excluded.

Islam has ordained that married couples should mutually implement their prescribed duties to one another. Of these duties is lawful obedience of the wife to her husband: Al Bazzar and Attabarani narrated that once, at the time of the Prophet a group of women sent a representative to the Prophet saying: “O Prophet of Allah, I am the women’s delegate to you.
What merit do we have in jihad, which Allah prescribed for men, whom if scoring success will be rewarded, and if killed will be regarded as martyrs close to Allah? We, ladies, are the wives of these men. What share do we have in their reward? ” The Prophet replied: “tell the ladies, you are going to see that obedience to the husband and recognition of his rights will be equivalent in reward to this (namely, the jihad), and few of you implement these duties”.

Of these rights, the wife should safeguard her husband’s money and keep her chastity only for him. The Prophet said, “May I inform you regarding what is the best treasure for a man? It is the righteous wife, who will please him in appearance, obey his orders, and will protect her chastity and his money in his absence”. (Ibn Majah)

Of these rights is satisfying her husband sexually. The Prophet said, “if a husband asks his wife to go to bed with him, and she refuses his request, and he becomes angry, angels will curse her until the following morning.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

Of these rights is the husband’s duty to pay for the up-keep of his wife and children, on the basis of Allah’s saying: “(the father) shall bear the cost of their food and clothing.”(Holy Qur’an, 2:233.)

Of these rights is the husband’s counseling of his wife concerning matters of the home. This has been demonstrated in a tradition narrated by Ahmad and Abu Dawood: “Solicit the wives regarding their daughters,” namely, before being betrothed.

Of these rights, the husband should forgive some of his wife’s shortcomings, especially when she has good qualities. This is demonstrated in a tradition narrated by Muslim:” No faithful husband should hate his faithful wife, because if he is displeased with one aspect of her behavior, he will be pleased with another”.

Of these rights is the husband’s amity and showing love and tenderness to his wife according to Allah’s saying: “Live with them on a footing of tenderness and equity, if you take a dislike to them, it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Holy Qur’an, 4:19)

The Prophet said: “The most righteous of you is the most righteous to his family, and I am the most righteous of you to my family”. (Ibn Majeh & Haqim). And in another hadith narrated by Bukhari, he used to show ‘Aaisha, (may Allah be pleased with her) sport activities in the vicinity of the mosque, by putting out his hand and stretching it to the door, keeping it half-open, while ‘Aaisha (at his back) rested her face on his shoulder.

Abu Dawood and Annasai narrated that the Prophet used to race with ‘Aaisha (may Allah be pleased with her). She won once, and when the Prophet won on another occasion, he (cheerfully) said: “this time is in compensation to that time”.

It is related that Omar (may Allah be pleased with him), who was very strict in justice and judgment, used to say: “Man has to be as playful and joyful as a boy while with members of his family, and a serious man when joining a group of people.”

Of these rights is helping his wife with the housework. In doing this, he has the Prophet as a guide. Attabarani and others related, on the authority of ‘Aaisha (may Allah be pleased with her), that the question was asked: “how was the Prophet at home?” She replied: “As you are doing. Moving things around, helping with housework, cutting mat pieces, sweeping the house and helping the servant in his job”.

These are the duties prescribed by Islam for married couples. They are just and practical duties which, if implemented, will cause harmony to replace dissension, and allow amity to permeate instead of hatred. The whole family would lead a life of happiness, understanding and stability.

If reconciliation seems impossible because the husband or the wife possesses a bad temperament and the continuity of the marriage is threatened, then the husband must take complete precautions before pronouncing divorce. The following procedures are classified in order of importance, as follows:

1. Offering advice and guidance in the form of reminders, which are beneficial to the increase of the Iman (faith) of the believers.
2. Abandonment of the bed, which is a psychological punishment, lest the wife should regain her senses.
3. Very light (careful) beating: If the husband thinks this is of positive consequences. This beating should be very light, thus not leaving any trace on the wife’s body. Beating should not be in areas that can cause harm such as the face, the chest and the abdomen. It should be noted, however, that the Prophet never beat a woman. Ibn Sa’ad related, on the authority of ‘Aaisha, that she said:

“The Prophet never beat a woman, a servant or any other being, except using his hand in jihad”. Ibn Sa’ad said: “when a woman complained to the Prophet about her husband beating her, he told the husband: ‘one of you would beat his wife as if she is a servant, then he would continue hugging her with no shame on his part.’”

4. Resorting to arbitration: this intercession is done by the people of reason from both families. They should study the existing problems between the couple, and derive practical solutions to regain reconciliation and understanding among them to avert divorce.

These precautions are in accordance with Allah’s saying: “As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means of (annoyance); for Allah is most high, great (above you all). If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things”. (Holy Qur’an, 4:34-35).

Should reconciliation become impossible after these stages, then a husband can divorce his wife once, during a span of time not having sexual intercourse with her. This is done in order to allow for a chance to resume marriage following the first divorce. It has been stated in the holy Qur’an: “Divorce is only permissible twice…” ( Holy Qur’an, 2:229)

It transpires from the above, that Islam has taken precautionary steps to avoid divorce, because of its devastating consequences to the husband, his wife, and the children. It is no wonder that the Prophet regarded it as the most repugnant to Allah of what has been made permissible.

However, if, divorce takes place, then the husband is ordered to pay for compensation, alimony, and children’s expenditures, lest the divorcee and her children would suffer from this. Allah has said: “And bestow on them (a suitable gift), the wealthy according to his means, and the poor according to his means; a gift of a reasonable amount is due from those who wish to do the right thing.”(Holy Qur’an, 2:236)

In case the husband is poor and unable to pay, the state has to foster the children until they are grown up and educated.

[ Extracts from: Children Upbringing in Islam, by Abdullah Saleh Ulwan]
[Tr. by Dr. Muhammad Amin Tawfiq]

Causes for Delinquency: Poverty and Disputes

Bismillah

Author: by Abdullah Saleh Ulwan Tr. by Dr. Muhammad Amin Tawfiq]

The causes and factors which lead to juvenile delinquency are numerous. Their corruption, ill-nature, and unpleasant circumstances are the direct result of life in a sinful society! Numerous, also, are the evil causes that affect juveniles, causing them to completely rebel against righteousness.

It is the duty of the pedagogues, those responsible for the proper upbringing of children, to develop an awareness to the causes of deviation amongst youth, while also studying and implementing remedies and protective measures in an effort to combat this corruptive phenomenon.

If the proper safeguards are not put in place, the children may soon become a generation filled with mass corruption, crime, misery and loss.

Islam, with its wise law and eternal principles, has laid down the principles and curricula for the protection of every generation from aberration, and every society from displacement and loss.

In the following, we present to you: the pedagogues, the most salient factors in juvenile delinquency, and their most effective remedies in the light of Islam in order to keep you well-informed about the proper etiquette of raising children, and to illustrate some common responsibilities which relate to this subject.

Undoubtedly, if a child is deprived of adequate food and clothing in the home, he will be forced to look for his sustenance elsewhere. While engrossed in this innocent search, he may become influenced by certain criminal elements of the society, which could result in him becoming a criminal and a menace to others.

Islam, through its just Shari’ah (Law), has laid down the foundations for combatting poverty. It has prescribed a good life for each human being. It has set up regulations guaranteeing the minimum accommodation, food and clothing for every member of the society.

It has devised a system to finally bring an end to poverty, which includes: making work available for each citizen; giving every disabled citizen a monthly salary from the treasury; legislating family compensation for every father who has a family and children; and caring for orphans, widows and senior citizens in a way which allows them to keep their human dignity, and enables them to lead the best life possible.

However, there are other regulations, which, if applied and duly implemented, would stem out causes of crime, vagabondage and loss, as well as eradicate all signs of poverty and deprivation (See our book: Social Consolidation in Islam).

One devastating factor, which may lead to a child’s aberration, is constant arguing and bickering between the parent and the child. When a child sees this phenomenon of dispute recurring, he will certainly leave this plagued family environment, searching for individuals with whom he would feel comfortable spending the majority of his time with. If these are evildoers, then he will imitate them in the same manner of deviation and perversion.

This rebellion outside the home, shadowed by the possibility of becoming involved in criminal activities, would make him a possible source of danger to the people and the society.

On the other hand, Islam with its eternal and wise principles, has even shown the man the straightforward way to choose a spouse. It also has shown the family of the woman the best way to choose a husband. This is only to establish amity, love, understanding and cooperation between the marrying couple. Consequently, adhering to these guidelines removes any possibility of senseless family disputes occurring between spouse and children.

[ Extracts from: Children Upbringing in Islam, by Abdullah Saleh Ulwan]
[Tr. by Dr. Muhammad Amin Tawfiq]

Sample Letter excusing your child from kufr gatherings

Bismillaah

Use this sample letter to excuse your child from kufr gatherings: Valentines, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas & ect.

This is a blank letter to your child’s teacher about non Islamic gatherings, parties and holidays where you can just fill in the dotted lines and send it to school. Or you can retype it like above with your child’s name. (Plus if you are not prepared to meet with the teacher, take the last part out.)

Date——————

Dear———

Greetings of peace, I am the mother of ————–, who is in your ———- grade class. My child has benefited greatly from your teaching so far this year, and I hope will continue to do so.

I would like to bring to your attention the issue of Halloween and my child’s involvement in class activities relating to the occasion.

As you have organized a class Halloween party, I would like to inform you that my child will not attend this activity. My child will be absent the day it is held.

This is not meant to exclude my child from activities with peers, since my child will continue in other class exercises as usual. Rather, due to the nature of Halloween, its origins and its connection to non-Islamic beliefs and practices, and my child’s participation will compromise the beliefs and principles as a Muslim.

I would like to meet with you to discuss and seek your advice on further issues surrounding class celebrations and holidays, so that my child and students of other religious backgrounds can fully participate in your class while maintaining their beliefs and principles.

I would appreciate it if you would kindly contact me so that we may set up a meeting this week or next week to further discuss this matter. You may call me at ———————-.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for your time and attention.
Sincerely,
———–

Teaching children good manners

Bismillaah

Author: Guidelines for raising children

Just as a child should be taught ritual acts of worship, he should also be taught good habits and etiquette until they become second nature to him. The Prophet [peace be upon him ] said: “Believers who have the most perfect Iman (faith) are those who have the best manners.”

Good manners are an acquired trait that must be adopted from a young age. Of such manners are the following:

1. Teaching the child to be respectful and dutiful to his parents:

The first person from whom a child learns good manners is the father. If a child is raised in a good Islamic home, then it would be natural for him to treat his parents respectfully.

Allah says: “And your Rabb (Lord) has decreed that you should worship none but Him and be kind to parents. If one or both of them reach old age during your lifetime, never say ‘uff’ (an expression of displeasure), nor scold them, but address them politely. And humble yourself to them out of mercy and say, ‘O my Rabb (Lord,) be merciful to them for having reared me from young age.’” (Holy Qur’an, 17: 23, 24)

2. Teaching them to maintain good relations with relatives:

Sound rearing also stipulates teaching children to maintain good relations with their relatives. Allah says: ‘Worship Allah, and associate no partners with Him, and be kind to parents, next of kin, the orphans, the needy, the related neighbors, the next-door neighbors, the wayfarer and to the slaves that you own.” (Holy Qur’an, 4: 36)

The fulfillment of this Divine command can be accomplished only by sound rearing which makes them grow attached to their relatives out of obedience to Allah.

Since relatives are an extension of the family, then strengthening ties with them strengthens the whole family and it is like strengthening the whole community and this reflects an Islamic community that enjoys a cohesive structure. The Prophet said: “The believers in their reciprocal love and mercy are like a human body, when one of its organs suffer, the rest of the body is kept awake and suffers fever.”

3. Inculcating in children brotherly love:

Brotherly love and believers’ solidarity must be embedded in the children’s minds and that the believers are brothers-in-faith. For example to follow the pious predecessors, the Muhajireen and the Ansar, whose brotherly love and altruism Allah commends in His Book.

Giving a friendly gesture or a happy greeting to Muslim brothers generates friendliness in their hearts and, strengthens the love among the believers. This indeed is a fine trait, which is instructed by Allah, the Exalted. He describes the believers saying: “They are merciful to one another but harsh to the infidels.” (Holy Qur’an, 48: 29)

Allah also addressed His Messenger saying: “And were you to be harsh and hard-hearted, they would have broken away from you.” (Holy Qur’an, 3:159)

4. Good words:

Giving a good word is a type of remembrance of Allah, telling the truth, guarding one’s own tongue against slandering other people are good deeds. The best Muslim, according to the Prophet is the one from whose tongue the Muslims feel safe.

Parents should make their children aware of the gravity of abusing others with their tongue and of the fact that the tongue is a double-sided and dangerous weapon. Therefore, they should be warned in particular against abusing it.

Warning children against backbiting and slandering

Children should be taught that backbiting is speaking slanderously about an absent person. The Prophet said: “Do you know what is Gheebah (backbiting)?” They said: “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said: “It is to attribute to your brother what he dislikes.” He was asked: “What do you think if what I say about my brother is true?” He said: “If what you attribute to him is true, then you have backbitten him, and if it is not true, then you have lied about him.”

While Nameemah (talebearing) is to circulate slanderous rumors between two persons to damage or sever the ties between them. The Prophet said: “No Nammam (talebearer) will be admitted to Jannah (Paradise).”

Deriding people in their presence by making negative facial expressions or by hand gestures while they are unaware is forbidden in Islam.

Warning them against lying

Children must be taught to tell the truth and to keep away from lying, which is the most horrible habit. The Prophet said: “There are four traits whoever possesses them is a sheer hypocrite, and he who possesses one of them, possesses a trait of hypocrisy unless he quits it. They are: when he speaks, he tells lies; and when he enters into an agreement, he acts unfaithfully; and when he promises, he breaches his promise; and when he litigates, he behaves treacherously. While the liar receives the anger of Allah on the Day of Resurrection.”

He also said: “Lying leads to Hell-Fire and truthfulness leads to Jannah.”

Parents should not take this evil habit lightly, or consider it funny when their children tell lies because later on it becomes easy for them to lie without any compunction.

Abusing others

Among the worst of manners is reviling people and swearing at them. If this bad habit is not redressed while the child is growing up, it becomes hard for him to avoid it later on.

Islam enjoins guarding the tongues. The Prophet said: “He who guarantees, what is in between his jaws (tongue), and what is in between his thighs (private parts), I guarantee Jannah for him.”

This means guarding one’s own tongue against uttering anything that displeases Allah, and guarding one’s own private parts against committing illicit acts or fornication.

Etiquette towards your children

BIsmillaah

A Muslim recognizes that a child has rights over his parents that he must fulfill. Furthermore, there are some manners and etiquette that must be followed between the two. These are to be found in the parent choosing a good name for his child, to sacrifice an Aqiqah (sacrifice of sheep) for his child on the seventh day of his birth, circumcising him, having mercy and gentleness with him, providing for him, bringing him up in a proper way, being concerned with his cultural and social upbringing, teaching him about Islam and training him to fulfill the obligatory and recommended aspects as well as other manners. This continues until the child is married off, at which time he will give him the choice to stay under his guardianship or to move off on his own. These are all based on the following evidences from the Qur’an and Sunnah.

1. Allah says in the Qur’an: “The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling, but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis.” (2:233)
Allah also says: “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, which are angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not the commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.” (66:6)

In this Verse, there is a command to protect the family from the Hell-fire. This is done by obeying Allah. This obedience of Allah requires that one know what Allah has obligated him to do. This cannot come about without learning. Therefore, since the father is from the group of men, the Verse is evidence that it is obligatory upon the father to teach his child, educate him, guide him and lead him to what is best and the obedience of Allah and His Messenger (SAWS).

2. When Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) was asked about the greatest sins, he replied: “To associate an equal to Allah while He created you, to kill your child out of fear that he would eat from your food, and to commit adultery with your neighbor’s wife.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The prohibition of killing one’s children is a necessary consequence of having mercy for them and protecting their body, minds and soul from harm.

The Prophet (SAWS) said concerning having an Aqeeqa for the child:
“A boy is being held in pledge for his Aqiqah that is slaughtered for him on the seventh day. He should also be named on that day and have his hair shaven from his head.” (Abu Dawud)

It is also narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) said: “Honor your children and bring them up well. Verily, your children are a gift for you.” (Ibn Majah)

Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) is also reported to have said: “Be equitable among your children when it comes to giving to them. If I were to give preference to anyone, I would give preference to the females.” (Al-Baihaqi)

Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) also said: “Teach the child to pray at the age of seven and beat them to do it at the age of ten. And separate them in their bedding.” (Abu Dawud)

Concerning the right of the child upon the father, it is also mentioned in reports that the father must educate the child in a good way and choose a good name for him. ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) once said, “From the rights of the child upon the father is that he teaches him writing and archery and that he not feed him with anything except what is legal and pure.” It is also narrated that he said: “Marry from the pious households, for verily genetics has a strong effect.”

Once a Bedouin was showing his children what a favor he did to them by choosing their mother, he told them: “The first good thing I did towards you was my choosing of a good noble family whose ancestors were chaste.”

Summarized from: Islamic Etiquette
By: Abu Bakr Al-Jazairi
Translated by: Jamaal Zarabozo

Wise advise to give your children

Bismillaah

The Soul of your Child is like a precious diamond in the rough that has been entrusted into your care by Allah as a trust. This is indeed an awesome responsibility as well as a precious gift from Allah.  To be a more grateful servant unto Allah you need to shape your precious child (ren) into a beautiful Muslim Believer pleasing to the eye of Allah, Allah willing.   However, in todays world unfortunately this can be a very difficult task to raise children who are good Muslim Believers with the proper knowledge, adab ( manners) and tools to withstand from the waves of alienation, polytheism and deviation that rages on everyday in our lives.  At SurvivorsAreUs.com I work to ensure that all knowledge that is of the obligations on Muslims to know and follow is shared and reviewed consistently, Allah willing.

Author: [From: Guidelines for Raising Children]

The issue of raising children is very important, the interest of both parents and children depends on it; the interest of the Ummah (Muslim society) as well as the community’s future is directly impacted by our ability to succeed in this. Islam takes great interest in it, and so do the educators, the first of whom is the Messenger Muhammad [Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam (SAWS) / peace be upon him] whom Allah sent as a teacher and guide to parents and children to ensure their happiness in both worlds.

The Qur’an contains many examples of good character such as the story of Luqman, the wise, who gave his son valuable advice.

Luqman’s advice

1. Luqman had advised his son, and Allah the Exalted disclosed his words: “O my son, do not associate partners with Allah. Verily, Shirk (polytheism) is a grievous sin.” (31:13)
Therefore, beware of committing Shirk in worshipping Allah such as supplicating to dead or absent people. The Prophet (SAWS) said: “Du’a (supplication or prayer) is worship.”

2. Allah the Exalted says: “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years, give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination.” (31:14)

It is clear that Allah the Exalted has connected worshipping Him Alone with kindness to parents due to the seriousness of their rights. The mother suffers during pregnancy, while the father takes it upon himself to earn a living for the family. Because of this it is incumbent upon a Muslim to be grateful to Allah then to his parents.

3. Allah says in the next Ayah (verse): “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.” (31:15)

4. In the next Ayah Allah the Exalted again informed us with the words of Luqman: “O my son, even if it is the weight of a mustard seed deposited inside a rock, or in the heavens, or in the earth, Allah will surely bring it out. Verily, Allah knows all subtleties, All-Aware.” (31:16)

Ibn Kathir said: “The offence or the error even if it is as minute as the weight of a mustard seed, Allah will judge it on the Day of Resurrection when He sets (the Scales of justice) so that He requites it be it good or evil.”

5. In the next Ayah the advice is continued: “O my son, perform Salat.” (Prayer) [Observing it on time with all of its requirements humbly and conscientiously]. (31:17)

6. Another good advice: “And enjoin the good and forbid evil, (gently and without harshness).” (31:17)

7. Luqman further advised his son, as quoted in the Qur’an: “Bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these are some of the important commandments (ordered by Allah with no exemption).” (31:17)

The believer is enjoined to be patient. The Prophet (SAWS) said: “The believer who consorts with people and endures their harm is better than a believer who does not consort with people nor does he endure their harm.”

8. Allah the Exalted continued Luqman’s advice in the next Ayah: “And do not turn away from people through pride.” (31:18)

When talking to people, or when they talk to you, do not show disrespect to them, or show arrogance, rather face them pleasantly, and smile at them. The Prophet (SAWS) said: “Smiling at your brother is an act of charity in your favor.”

9. In the next Ayah, another advice: “Nor walk haughtily on earth, surely, Allah does not love any arrogant boaster,”(who admires himself, and despises others). (31:18)

10. Another general etiquette: “And walk at a moderate pace,” (neither quick nor slow). (31:19)

11. Allah the Exalted says: “And lower your voice,” (when there is no need for raising the voice. That is why, Allah said:) “Verily, the harshest of all voices is the braying of the asses.” (31:19)

Mujahid, a great scholar, commented on the above Ayah saying: “The most offensive of sounds is that of donkeys. This means, he who raises his voice resembles donkeys; Allah abhors it. If our voice resembles this sound, it requires us to stop talking loudly.”

The main points

1. The legitimacy of exhorting one’s own son for his benefit in this world and the community’s benefit.
2. Giving Tauhid (Belief in the Oneness of Allah) priority in teaching and warning against Shirk (polytheism) because it constitutes injustice, which nullifies good deeds.
3. The requirement of expressing gratefulness to Allah and to parents, and the children’s duty of being kind to parents.
4. The requirement of following the believers’ way, and the prohibition of following those astray.
5. Awareness of Allah in public and private, and warning against taking lightly good deeds or sins regardless of how minute they may be.
6. The requirement of performing Salat (prayer) and observing all of its prerequisites perfectly.
7. The requirement of enjoining good manners and forbidding wrong, with knowledge and kindness according to one’s capacity and applying wisdom and effective persuasion.
8. Endure patiently the consequences of enjoining the good and forbidding the wrong, which is a serious responsibility.
9. Prohibition of pride and arrogance.
10. Moderation in everything.

[From: Guidelines for Raising Children]

More of My Household Tips

Bismillaah

Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the
store, whip it with your
mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size.
You get to frost more
cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat
less sugar/calories per serving.

Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were
refrigerated, place them in
a microwave with a cup of water. The increased
moisture will keep the food
moist and help it reheat faster.

Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in
your soil. Wet newspapers
put layers around the plants overlapping as you go
cover with mulch and
forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some
gardening plastic they will not get
through wet newspapers.

Broken Glass
Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken glass
pieces of glass- the
fibers catch ones you can’t see!

No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the
mosquitoes away.

Squirrels Away
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle
your plants with cayenne
pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn’t hurt the plant
and the squirrels won’t come
near it.

Easier thank you notes
When you throw a bridal/baby shower, buy a pack of
thank you cards for the
guest of honor. During the party, pass out the
envelopes and have everyone put
their address on one. When the bride/new mom sends
the thank you notes,
they’re all addressed!

MINE!!!!!
If you purchase a new bike for your child, place
their picture inside the
handle bar before placing the grips on. if the bike
is stolen and later
recovered, remove the grip and there is your proof
who owns the bike.

Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the
fridge add an empty
paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your
vacuum. It can be bent or
flattened to get in narrow openings.

Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and
you will not have a
clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks
that cling when wearing panty
hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and – voila -
static is gone.

Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring
cup, fill it with hot
water. Dump out the hot water, but don’t dry the
cup. Next, add your ingredient,
such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes
right out.

Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and
keep it in the glove box
of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the
eraser! Works better than a
cloth!

Reopening Envelopes
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot
to include something
inside, just place your sealed envelope in the
freezer for an hour or two. Voila!
It unseals easily.

Conditioner Shave cream
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It’s a
lot cheaper than shaving
cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It’s also
a great way to use up the
conditioner you bought but didn’t like when you
tried it in your hair…

Good-bye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass
fill it 1/2″ with Apple
Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dishwashing liquid, mix
well. You will find those
flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They
eat it, take it “home,”
& can’t digest it so it kills them. It may take a
week or so, esp. if it
rains, but it works & you don’t have the worry about
pets and children being harmed!

Take baby powder to the beach
Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach
bag. When you’re ready to
leave the beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the
powder and the sand will
slide right off your skin.

Household Tips

Bismillaah

For Refreshing Sleep
Before folding freshly laundered bed linens and placing in your linen closet, sprinkle them with a few drops of lavender oil. This scent will promote relaxation and a deep, restful sleep.
Brushing Sensitive Teeth
To prevent tooth pain while brushing, wet toothbrush under running hot water and then brush teeth gently with your normal brand of toothpaste.
Herbal Air Freshener
When you change your vacuum bag, place fresh sprigs of rosemary or a little dried potpourri in the bag before vacuuming.
Grating Cheese
Before use, run grater or food processor blades under cold water to prevent the shredded cheese from sticking.
Floral Arrangements
To force buds of flowers to open, place the stems in moderately hot water.
Restringing Necklaces
If your beaded necklace breaks, restring it with dental floss, which is very strong.
Mending Curtains
To repair a small hole in your curtains, pinch it together and apply clear nail polish on both sides.
Dripless Candles
Place candles in the freezer for 24 hours before using; they will burn longer and drip less.
Scenting Linens
Instead of throwing them away, place empty perfume bottles in cabinets with folded clothes and linens to give them a nice fragrance.
Getting Children to Eat Veggies
When cooking vegetables, add a few drops of food coloring to the water to create blue peas, purple carrots, red potatoes.
Removing Chewing Gum
To easily remove chewing gum from carpets, linens and your child’s clothes or hair, rub a little bit of gasoline on it.
Transferring Fluids
To transfer oil or other liquids from a gallon container to a small one, cut off the bottom of a plastic water bottle and invert it to create a funnel.
Soft Hands
Rub your hands with a tablespoon of salt for one minute, then add a tablespoon of sugar and rub both for one additional minute to soften hands.
Preserving Stored Items
To avoid items stored in an attic or basement from becoming musty, place a handful of sugar cubes in them, as they will absorb humidity.
Recycle Old Socks
Place adult-sized socks over the pants of crawling infants to protect from dirt that might be picked up from heavily trafficked areas.
Find Missing Jewelry
Cover the vacuum tube attachment with a thin sock and, holding the sock, vacuum the floor and under furniture to pick up the piece of jewelry.
Bandaid Residue
After bandaid use, remove its dark, sticky residue by rubbing a little olive oil to the area, which loosens it.
Dreaded Catsup Stains
Remove catsup stains on clothing and fabric by pre-soaking soiled area in cold water and a detergent paste. Launder the item in cold water.
Strengthen Loose Buttons
Apply clear nail polish to back of button before sewing to garment with thread.
Mixing Cakes
When the cake batter is blended and you’re ready to transfer it to baking pan, dip the spoon in milk to prevent the batter from clinging to it.
Ironing Tip
To give a fresh fragrance to ironed clothes, add two drops of lemon juice to the water in the steam iron. Empty after each use.
Summer Refreshment
For summertime outings, reusable plastic containers are perfect for making blocks of ice to add to large picnic beverage containers.