Bismillah (In The Name of Allah)
When death approaches, the close family and friends try to support and comfort the dying person through supplication as well as remembrance of Allah and His will. The loss of a loved one often has a devastating effect on the person who suffered the loss and the negative effects sometimes last for years making it very hard for life to go on for the affected person. To a parent the soul of a child is like a precious diamond in the rough entrusted by Allah as a trust. Our beloved children are an awesome responsibility as well as a precious gift from Allah. You can never even begin to understand the love your parent has for you until you have your own children. Do not wait until a day arrives where you lose one or both of your loving parents to show goodness to them. All parents must go and meet their end at sometime, so do not wait until after they have departed from the world to think of all the good that they have shown to you.
Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: There are one hundred (parts of) mercy for Allah and He has sent down out of these one part of mercy upon the jinn and human beings and the insects and it is because of this (one part) that they love one another, show kindness to one another and even the beast treats its young one with affection, and Allah has reserved ninety nine parts of mercy with which He would treat His servants on the Day of Resurrection.
There is so much reward to be gained by Allah from showing goodness, thanks and patience with the parents. Thus, kindness toward parents came between two of the most important religious duties that Islam lays on Muslims. The reward for being good and kind toward one’s parents was mentioned on several occasions by Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him), emphasizing that those who are obedient to their parents and to God also will be in the highest places in Paradise.
Also, Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) equated kindness toward parents with jihad (striving in the way or God) and often promised people that if they were kind, obedient, and close to their parents — particularly the mother (but this does not include showing animosity to those she is at odds with and aiding her in her disobedience to Allah and her husband your father) — their reward would be similar to that of someone who strives in the way of God.
Abdullah ibn Umar, a leading scholar among the Prophet’s (Peace be upon him) companions once saw a man from Yemen carrying his mother on his back and going around the Kabah in his tawaf. Rather than show any sign of complaint, the man was happy, repeating a line of poetry in which he likened himself to a camel his mother was mounting. The only difference is that a camel may be scared by something and go out of control. He would never go out of her control. He looked at Abdullah ibn Umar and asked him whether by so doing he discharged his debt to his mother. Ibn Umar said: “No. You have not even paid back one twinge of her labour pain when she gave birth to you.”
No one can deny the supreme sacrifice and care that a mother renders to her child. The mother carries him (in her womb) by enduring strain after strain. And subsequently, at the time of birth, she is suspended between life and death. All this she faces with determination as much as patience barring any regret or anger.
Prophet Mohammed (Peace be upon him) has described and explained a mother’s feelings for her child in the following hadith (his sayings):
Truly, those feelings are a blessing (Rahmah) from Allah, if it were not for these feelings, a mother would not be willing to breast-feed her child, nor would a farmer be willing to work in the fields (under the scorching heat of the sun).
A father’s sacrifice is just as big. It is the father who is the bread winner in the family; he provides money for food, clothing, shelter, education, health and other necessities for the family.
Every day, without wasting time, the father has to earn and provide—– be it by using his mental faculties, or through physical labour such as working under the scorching heat of the sun , or endangering his life by going out in the stormy seas. He goes through all these with perseverance and determination, solely for the purpose of providing the needs of the family. The father also harbours hopes for his children similar to that of the mother, which means that his children succeed in becoming useful individuals.
Prophet Muhammad said:
It was narrated by Abu Hurairah (R) that a man came to the Prophet and asked him, ‘Who is to be close to my friendship?’ The Prophet answered:
Your mother, your mother, your mother, then your father, then the one closest to your kinship, and the one after.
This hadith clearly shows mothers are given particular gratitude and respect in regards to the kind treatment to be shown to them. Does this mean that they are to be obeyed in matters where they are ordering you to be disobedient?
“Indeed are you not all guardians? And each of you is responsible for your flock: So the leader who is in authority over the people is a guardian, and he is responsible for his flock, and a man is guardian over the members of his house, and he is responsible for his flock, and the woman is a guardian over the members her husband’s household and his children, and she is responsible for them, and the man’s servant is a guardian over the wealth of his master and he responsible for it. Indeed, you are all guardians, and all of you are responsible for your flocks.”
Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim
As this hadith shows each parent is responsible for their flock. And you must never forget the mother is to obey the husband and she is to carry out his halaal wishes in regards to the children. Do not obey your mother in being disobedient to your father. The father, the husband is the leader of his household and deserves to be treated with honour, respect and kindness.
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.”
“But men, have a degree (of responsibility) over them (women).”
“Your Lord had decreed, that you worship none save Him, and (that you show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with you, say not “Fie” unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both, as they did care for me when I was young.” [Quran 17:23-24]
The recognition and respect of parents is mentioned in the Quran eleven times; in every instance, Allah reminds children to recognize and to appreciate the care and love they have received from their parents. In the following verse, Allah demands that children recognize their parents:
“We have enjoined on humankind kindness to parents.” [Quran 29:8 and 46:15]
1. The demand for recognizing parents is made more empathetical when Allah says in the Quran:
“And (remember) when We made a covenant with the children of Israel, (saying): worship none save Allah (only), and be good to parents…” [Quran 2:83]
2. In Surah Al-Nisaa’ (The Women) Allah emphasizes again that children should be kind to their parents.
“And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as partner unto Him. (Show) Kindness unto parents… ” [Quran 4:36]
3. The same directive is repeated again In Surah Al An’Am (The Cattle), where Allah says:
“Say: Come, I will recite unto you that which your Lord has made a sacred duty for you; that you ascribe nothing as partner unto Him and that you do good to parents…” [Quran 6:151]
When was the last time you thanked your parents for all the good they did for you out of their love for you? When was the last last time you went out of your way to care for and please your parents? Have you apologised to your parents for the hardships you have afflicted on them? It is not easy to be a good parent we all have our errors. Forgive your parents for their mistakes. Would you not like Allah to forgive you of your errors? Grant your parents seventy excuses or more, and if you cannot think of one excuse for them, then realize they may have an excuse that you are unaware of.
-Forgive your parent their mistakes and ask them to forgive you for yours
-Thank your parents for the kindness they have shown and the hardships they have taken on to care for you
-Shower your parents with halal presents they will love and enjoy
-Keep regular contact with your parents and ask if there is anything you can do for them\
-Respect your parents wishes even when they go against your own and argue with them in a way that is better by respectfully and humbly asking and pleading your case to them
-Pray for the forgiveness and guiding to the truth for your parents
-Send thank you cards, poetry, loving Islamic reminders and admiration to your parents when they achieve something they have worked hard for
And I pray that Allah blesses you to reap benefit from this post and accept this advise. I invite you to be good to your parents and to practise Islamic Monotheism as no one, thing or deity has the right to be worshipped but Allah alone. Allah (swt) deserves and holds all glory, honour and respect and Muhammad peace be upon him, is the last and final Messenger simply showing that which has been shown before (The Abrahamic faiths).
My mother passed away one year ago at the age of fifty one from a defective heart valve, a week before her scheduled heart valve replacement surgery. I am grateful for the opportunities Allah blessed me with, to really work hard in showing her my love and loyalty as a daughter. I will never know if it was ever enough for her, in her eyes and in her heart; that is where it truly matters. What will you do to make a stronger loving connection to your mother and mother-in-law, please let us know in the comments.
About the Author: Halimah bint David authored, illustrated, published and marketed several books on Islamic monotheism (tawhid) for kids and Sharia for adults. Halimah founded a few popular blogs at SurvivorsAreUs.WordPress.Com, HighwayToHeaven.WordPress.Com, ChristinaMacQuarrie.Wordpress.Com and is currently researching and implementing new copy writing skills.